Pat Boone had the audacity to fill one of his World Net Daily columns with one of those pass-along to your Republican friends' e-mail pieces, so I'm going to go through and make some points of my own (my points will be italicized like this):The Speech George W. ought to give:
Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. (Pretty soon half us won't be Americans, not legal ones anyway thanks to your lack of border security and pimping to agri-interests) I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer. (Does that mean you're going to torture us, or just wiretap us?) I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. (Cheers from around the world) Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office. (A-hem, OK) The reason I'm quitting is simple: I'm fed up with you people. (The feeling is mutual, Mr. President) I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world (we have more in common than you might think, then!) – or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damn lazy to do your homework and figure it out. (we really DO have a lot in common!) Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians (Republicrats) and the news media (FOX News and Rush Limbaugh, for example. Certainly not lefties like Phil Donohue who was fired before the invasion because NBC didn't want to be seen as anti- war. Not when your guys were doing such a good job making everybody feel patriotic enough to go to war.) Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. (Before the war, a majority of us thought Saddam was behind 911. Thanks for taking advantage of our stupidity that you are so well aware of) And that's despite record numbers of homeowners, including record numbers of minority homeowners. (Have you seen that your free-money lending cronies are now foreclosing on these poor folks at record rates?) And while we're mentioning m minorities, I'll point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. (Are these minorities the ones who are here legally?) Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton administration. (Heck, a lot of these folks have two and three jobs!) I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in. Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to record levels, and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets. (Thanks to your tax cuts for the rich and record spending that the next generations will be paying for, good job!) Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security. (The only thing stopping your oil-rich buddies from building refineries is the fact that they want gas prices to be high, so they can make record profits like they have the whole time you've been in office. Why spend money on refineries, when that will only eat into their profits? We should be investing in new energy technologies, instead of planning more giveaways to your oil cronies) We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this "blood for oil" thing. If I were trading blood for oil, I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. (So instead, you don't control the oil fields, AND let Iraq go to hell, nice job!) And don't give me this "Bush Lied; People Died" crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be "discovered." Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty. (One Republican I battled with before the invasion said that was exactly what we should do if we didn't find them....with all the other lies, why not? I suppose all the supporters you have left DO think we found WMDs) Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. (Well, except for the inspectors. And here I was thinking you were smarter than everybody else!) Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official U.S. policy before I came into office. Some guy named Clinton established that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you? (And you agree with everything Clinton did, I see. Your Daddy was the one who thought it would not be prudent to invade Iraq, maybe you should have consulted with him, instead of ignoring him and his most trusted advisers like Scowcroft, Baker and Powell) You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the Cold War, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them. (And when we won and had a chance to re-shape the world, we could have chosen to take the high ground, instead we tried to rule with an iron fist. Smart!) That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe. (I thought they were all lured to Iraq, so we could fight them over there? ) You should be grateful they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since Sept. 11. But you're not. (Of course not, we want to be bombed so you'll look bad) That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of "Survivor." (Your cronies also said it would be a cakewalk and we'd be greeted as liberators, and democracy would spread through the MidEast. Well, those democracies are electing terrorists, my friend. Good plan.) Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops. (Maybe we should have avoided fighting the Iraq War. And you thought we could take over Iraq with a quarter of the troops your smart advisers suggested, with only England, Portugal, and Poland as our allies. Unless you still want to count Pakistan and "the General", you know, the country Bin Laden is hiding in, a place we can't possibly search for him because....Pakistan already has the BOMB. No wonder Iran wants one, too. Under your leadership, countries know that's the only way we won't invade. Brilliant plan.) Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well FedEx a grenade launcher to a jihadist. It amounts to the same thing. (I see, the Democrats and the media are the real terrorists, let's send 'em all to Guantanamo!) In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch "American Idol." (You told us to carry on like normal, don't let this war inconvenience your shopping habits, we have an economy to support. No need to sacrifice for your country, just keep on spending. Debt is good for us!) I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching. (Ah, blaming the victims, nice!) I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads. So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford; I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. (Unless they speak Spanish) Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall. (I hope you're still around to take most of the blame) Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting, too. (Did he tell you that? You still believe everything he tells you? Talk about dummy!) That means Pelosi is your new president. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008. (Which Republican candidate will be riding into office on your coattails, Mr. President?) So that's it. God bless what's left of America. Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss off. ('Cause that's the American Way, George W-style, bring it on!)Normally, I start these things out by saying, "My fellow Americans."