"A lot of people in Washington are getting rich off earmarks, and it's about time I got my piece of the pie. So members of Congress, if you're reading this, how about sending an earmark my way - perhaps in the form of a shiny new boat?
Not a yacht or anything fancy, just a modest speedboat that would only set Uncle Sam back $30,000.
To some critics, this earmark might represent an inappropriate use of taxpayer dollars. Curmudgeonly tight-wads would grumble about excessive federal spending and mounting deficits. Elitist "good government" types would complain about the abuse of political clout and the propensity of such behavior to breed corruption. Esoteric political scientists might decry the unfortunate ease with which money is misspent when government bestows a generous benefit to a small group of people (in this case, me and my drinking buddies) at the expense of a larger group (taxpayers).
But I don't buy that mumbo-jumbo anymore. I think my boat would be a jobs machine. I'll purchase an American-built boat from a local dealer, thus creating a number of manufacturing and service-sector jobs.
Just think: Who's going to scrape the barnacles off the bottom of my boat? Who will supply the gasoline? Who will provide winter storage?
Jobs, jobs, jobs.
As hardworking Americans service, clean and store my boat, they will pay sales, income and other taxes. Much of this money will be sent back to Washington, where it can be used to further expand the economy through earmarking."
This article appeared in the Myrtle Beach Sun News, April 2, 2006.
The original "Modest Proposal": http://www.online-literature.com/swift/947/